‘We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly.’

In Culture, Smartness on November 27, 2007 at 7:33 pm

Took me awhile, but I finally found a news item that just plain made me laugh. Too bad about the woman losing her gig, though.

End of the line for the voice of London’s Tube

Tuesday, 27 November 2007

The woman known as the ‘voice of the Tube’ in London has had her contract terminated for criticising the underground rail service. But the city’s commuters are apparently siding with Emma Clarke, whose website, which hosted the criticism as well as a number of spoof announcements, has crashed due to heavy traffic.

What got her in hot water was an interview; evidently, the thought of riding The Tube with a bunch of strangers and hearing her recorded messages over and over fills her with “horror.”
But she’s got a sense of fun about the subway; on her now-crashed Web site could, until recently, be found these, eh, alternate voiceover alerts:

  • “We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly.”
  • “Would the passenger in the red shirt pretending to read the paper but who is actually staring at that woman’s chest please stop. You are not fooling anyone, you filthy pervert.”
  • “Would passengers filling in answers on their Sudokus please accept that they are just crosswords for the unimaginative and are not in any way more impressive just because they contain numbers.”
  • “Here we are crammed again into a sweaty Tube carriage … If you’re female smile at the bloke next to you and make his day. He’s probably not had sex for months.”

    Even the subway PR flack has a sense of humor: ‘London Underground is sorry to have to announce that further contracts for Ms Clarke are experiencing severe delays,’ he said.

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